hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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In a world full of hot, sticky cum and tastey pussy juice, i think we need to take a break from our swollen genitals and laugh a little.
so tell me a joke!
here's my first contribution. it's a classic. it's one of my personal faves.. and yes. i am going to hell.

what did the blind, deaf, mute paraplegic get for christmas?
-cancer.

hahahahaha

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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so it's friday night and this girl wants to go out with her friends. so she goes to her dad and asks to borrow the car. he says no and goes back to his work. then the girl begs and pleads for the car and the father says. "well... you know what you have to do." he unzips his pants and sits down. the girl proceeds to take off his pants and give him a mind blowing blow job. once she finishes up she says "thanks daddy! i'll be home later.. butt i have to say, you tasted like shit!" "oh that's right!" he replies, "i'm sorry, i already promised your brother he could use it."

bahahahhaa

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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So a lion tammer and a hobbit in a toto walk into this bar...

Oh sorry, I've done that already!

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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A man comes running home from the pub on a Saturday night and shouts up to his wife
"Pack your bags! I've won the lottery! £6.5 million!"
And she says
"What shall I pack? Summer clothes? Are we going somewhere warm?"
And he says
"Just pack your bags."
And she says
"Or are we going skiing? Should I pack some warm clothes?"
And he says
"Just pack your bags!"
And she says
"Yes, but what should I pack?"
And he says to her
"Look, just pack your bags, AND FUCK OFF!!!"

Account deleted on 18 Nov, 2008

Account deleted on 11 Nov, 2008

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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Yes, I've experienced...um, heard that joke before...

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The
doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me
back a sample tomorrow."

The next day, the 75-year old man re-appeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar - as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor
asked what happened, and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this:
First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left
hand, but nothing.

"Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but
nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.
Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both
hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't
get the damn jar open!"

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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I was doing the wife from behind the other night, really going at it hammer and tongs, when I suddenly slipped out of her. And when I tried to get back in my cock went straight up her cunt....

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<no subject>

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Two Gay guys are at a set of traffic lights when another car (no pun intended) rear ends them. So one of them (the driver presumably) jumps out and goes to inspect the damage.
"look what you've done to my lovely car!" He screams at the other driver
" there's a big scratch and, oh, my! Look at that little dent! You've ruined my pride and joy! That will cost me hundreds to put right! I've a good mind to sue you for emotional damage!"
And the other driver just looks at him with a mean expression on his face and says,
"Why don't you just suck my fucking cock!"
The gay guy goes back to his, now worried mate and his mate says to him,
"Oooh, I was frightened to death, I thought he was going to beat you up or something, what happened, what did he say to you?"
And he says,
"It's all right, he just wants to settle out of court..."

Account deleted on 11 Nov, 2008

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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And the award for Longest Fucking Forum Post Ever goes to... FG!

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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Re: hardy har harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

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A man goes to the opticians and the eye doc tells him
"You must stop masturbating"
And he says
"Oh God! Am I going blind?"
And the optician says
"No, your eyesights perfect, it's just that you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room"

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<no subject>

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A girl sneaks her boyfriend back home after a night out but tells him he'll have to be very quiet as her parents were light sleepers and disapproved of her even having boyfriends let alone shagging them. So they did the dirty deed in total silence. Twice. Any way, once he'd quietly grunted his last lot into her, he rolled off and whispered, all romantic like, in her ear
"Where's the toilet? After all that effort I really need to go, I'm desperate"
You know the type, a real silver tongued charmer,
And she hiss-whispers
"You're not using the toilet! If you flush it you'll wake up my Mum and Dad and they'll kill both of us on the spot! Just go in the kitchen sink, and be quiet!"
So he saunters off to the kitchen and about five minutes later pops his head round the corner and says
"Have you got any paper?"

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<no subject>

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Red and yellow and pink and green,
Orange and purple and blue


I've been in a car crash.....

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<no subject>

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A Glaswegian goes into a bakery and has a look at the cakes, then says to the girl behind the counter
"Hello there Hen, can you tell me, by the way, is that a Macaroon or a Meringue?"
And the girl says to him
"Och, you're no wrong, that is a Macaroon"

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<no subject>

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A Priest was chatting to a young bloke about his Grandfather and his failing health. The young fella was worried about him but didn't know what to do, so the Priest says to him
"Why don't you take him to Lourdes?"
And the young guy agrees to take the old man there.
About a week later the Priest bumps into the lad and asks him about his granddad, and he says
"I took him there but he unfortunately died about half an hour after we got there, but he was really enjoying himself, his last hours on earth was like having my old fun loving Granddad back, and he died with a smile on his face"
And the Priest says
"Oh, I'm sorry, my son, I should never have suggested you take him there in the first place"
And he says
"Don't worry about it Father, these things happen, besides, it was very quick, he didn't know what hit him. That cricket ball must have been doing at least ninety miles an hour when it smashed into his head...."

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<no subject>

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Bloke rings in to work and says
"I can't come in today, I'm sick"
And his boss says
"Well, how sick are you?"
And he says
"Put it this way, I'm in bed with my 12 year old niece and nextdoors Cocker Spaniel..."

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<no subject>

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I went to the doctors the other day complaining of headaches, rancid breath, pasty skin, stomach cramps, cold sweats, lethargy and a sore ring piece.
And the doctor gave me a thorough examination from lolly stick to rubber glove and turns round to me and says
"I'm at a complete loss as to a diagnosis, I can't make head or tail of you, it must be down to all the drink a drugs"
So I said
"Fair enough, I'll come back when you've sobered up a bit then..."

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<no subject>

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What measures 42 inches and sits in the corner going
"Sssssshhhh..."?

Rod Hulls television.