By Drazen: Getting Women to Talk To You

I've noticed that a handful of guys on this site don't seem to think they have to put actual effort into getting women here. When I was abducti... I mean dating I had to buy my own sack, duct tape. I had to learn all about how to obtain chloroform without the authorities finding out, how to construct a dungeon. I had to really put some hard work into getting laid, and daily I see a bunch guys saying "hey bb wanna cam?" and then wondering why they have dry dick syndrome.

Now I'll be the 19345th to admit that I am no Cassanova, and I am certainly no expert in women (except, perhaps, how to dispose of their bodies). But I actually think I might be better at it than one or two of you guys. Coming from someone who didn't lose his virginity until his 30s (that Vatican trip was a huge mistake) that's fucking appalling.

NOTE: This doesn't apply to most of the blues here. You know who you fellas are, you put my pulling skills to shame. This applies only to the transients who wander through with the same fucking routine day after day and wonder why it isn't working.

1. Online.. offline.. you are still dealing with an actual human being. Really fellas. If you have ever actually met a real woman you are probably aware that demanding she show you her tits while you wave your cock in her face is about as likely to work as telling her you have syphilis. Online is NO DIFFERENT. I am actually embarassed I have to point this out. Don't wander in and demand some sexual contact right off the bat. See if you can get it, be flirty and enthusiastic, but beligerance and aggression makes you come of as a douche bag designed for elephants.

2. Make her feel special. I am amazed how often I read variations on this theme... "can any girl pm me plz?", "i am bored can i chat with u?", "i got my cat pregnant", "u r the hottest but i would bang her 2". Women... well most women... don't like to feel like they are on display at a meat market. If you do decide that you are going to go after one, make her think that you have selected her because you find her interesting for reasons beyond her prodigious cleavage and amazing legs, or your own boredom and unwillingness to try it with someone who is going to require you to work for your orgasms. Sure bring her magnificent body up in conversation, but make sure she thinks there are other reasons you want to talk to her, even if you have to lie about it. This also applies to trying it on with one girl, getting rebuked, and then immediately moving onto someone else right in front of both of them. You make the new target of your affection feel like you think she's a consolation prize in a raffle, and you'll make the old target feel like you think shes probably not worth your effort. You'll make both of them angry though, and hell hath no fury like a woman... well just hell hath no fury like a woman, to be honest.

3. Being a man-child is not attractive. Straight women like men. They may like them short, big, thin, bearded, bald, hairy, whatever. But they all like men (or at least guys with emotional self control). Not children in a the body of an adult male, and not drama queens. If a girl says no to you it isn't the end of the world.. hell it might not even be the end of the story with that girl. She might be interested some other time. But if you behave like it's a huge deal, if you go on a rampage and start throwing your toys from your pram, you'll succeed in making yourself as unappealing as a stool sample. It happens to us all, deal with it like a man! Thank her, tell her it's too bad (for you, not for her), and that it's been fun chatting anyway. Do not call her a slut, tell her she's a frigid bitch who hates men, say that she is stuck up, accuse her of being a lesbian, or some other variation of that theme. Trying to chat up a lady can be very flattering to her even if she isn't interested. Sulking because it didn't work instantly ruins whatever effort you've put into that. You've gone from being a man showing interest into a creepy twat who hasn't reached adulthood yet and she will go from feeling flattered to feeling like she's just stepped in dog crap.

4. A balanced diet. Do you think women like guys who block their toilets up? Do you think the sound of you grunting and screaming as you try to force out your digested dinners is appealing to anyone? Have you ever tried to shit through the eye of a needle? Eat some pulses, fresh vegetables, and seeds. Not too much though. Unexpected fecal release is equally unattractive.

5. The numbers don't add up. Fellas, count the blues in most of the chatrooms. Count the pinks. Note the ratio. If the numbers are 10 guys to every female, and assume that every female is there for sex stuff (which is in itself wrong), and further assume that every girl there is straight (another wrongness) then you will have to be in the top 10% of guys to even stand a chance. This means you will have to make yourself more appealing than 90% of the other guys even in this ideal situation I've just described. Let me tell you, a cock picture and saying "c2c for lucky ladies, my msn is big_hot_studdmuffin@erectile.dysfunction.com" isn't the way to do it. In fact this is a way to end up in the bottom 10%. The quickest way to a womans heart (and other more erogenous organs) is through wit and charm.

6. Wit and charm. Wit is, according to the first line of wikipedia, "a form of intellectual humour". If you can be somewhat witty, you are showing you have brains. This in itself is a turn on for most women. But people like to laugh and have fun, and if she associates this feeling of fun with you then you are already getting ahead of the game. Add some charm to this, giving some attention and flirtation, be approachable and come across as sexually interested and interesting without being needy or pervy and you could be in with a chance.

7. Hitting on women who are spoken for. Read the fucking profiles. If someone says they aren't interested that means they aren't interested, that doesn't mean they aren't interested in anyone except you. This means you too. If you attempt to chat up such a woman, you immediately are telling them (and everyone else who knows them) that you consider yourself better than what they have already. This is quite breath-takingly arrogant, and your only reward for this will be hostility.

Of course, this doesn't apply to all women here or anywhere else. But if you generally try to be fun rather than a walking hard-on then you will double your chances of actually having a hard-on of any use.