Dick 101

You all know that saying, “When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade,” right? Well, when life gives a dick lemons there are a few things said dick could do with them. Here are a few examples:

a.) Squirt them in the eyes of little children. Seems harsh, huh… Well grow the fuck up Sally. Life doesn’t give you lemons just to make a tart refreshing drink, asshole.

b.) Throw them at passers-by. 5 points if you hit them in the arm, 10 if you bean them in the head. An extra 10 if they pass out.

c.) Make lemonade but replace the lemon juice with cat urine and pretty lemon slices. But don’t tell them until they’ve finished the glass. Makes it that much more fun.

d.) Sprinkle them on top of a fresh summer salad. NO, dickbag, we don’t do shit like that. We sprinkle salt on them and rub it into people’s wounds. Do that and you’ll be golden.

e.) Dribble some of the juice into your friend’s ear while they sleep. They’ll be hearing yellow for a while.

Well there you go. A few tips and tricks for the discerning Dick. Don’t be a pansy, ass squatter, use them and abuse them. That’s what Dicks are for.