The Enigmatic Emporium of Erotic Eccentricities

In a universe that's just like ours, but is also nothing like ours at all, lies a curious shop of curiosities, housing treasures and trinkets of all kinds and of all desires.

To access this spot, one must complete Dark Souls without dying, while clearing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate's World of Light on Hard without using any spirits, while successfully playing Through the Fire and Flames on Guitar Hero 3 with a 100% completion rate, and beating Mushihimesama Futari Black Label on God Mode without getting hit once. And you must perform these feats all at the same time.

Once you completed the above, and have acquired the seven Chaos Emeralds, the six Infinity Stones, the One Ring, the One Piece, the seven Dragon Balls, the Ark of the Covenant, the Philosopher's Stone, and all three pieces of the Deathly Hallows, lay them all in a pentagram before your feet. You must then shout out loud, "I'm a stupid, sexy Golden God!" Once you have made a sufficiently appropriate sacrifice to the Dream of the Endless (his discretion), the Enigmatic Emporium of Erotic Eccentricities will appear right in front of your person, instantly consuming all the listed items above. If you happen to perform this ritual while in an enclosed space, like a house or apartment, the Emporium may engorge to the point it may reduce your quarters to rubble. Do not be alarmed; you will be perfectly safe, although I can't guarantee the safety of the building you're in.

Alternatively, you could just ask me, Carnalism, to allow you access in the Enigmatic Emporium of Erotic Eccentricities and I will most likely grant you safe passage with none of the requirements listed above.

Within are a large variety of items at your disposal. Anyone is free to borrow any of the items within the Emporium for their desires and needs. Do note that the items within are all the property of Carnalism and attempting use any of them against him will have dire consequences.

All items are listed below in alphabetical order and more items will be listed as I see fit for my amusement and enjoyment. All of the items listed below has application for sexual pleasure and gratification. If you don't think so, then you need to think outside the box.

"Arousal" Dust: A dull crimson powder that may or may not be similar to the dust used by Aryia. Just a light sprinkling of this dust can turn even the most level headed person into a puddle of libido and raw sexuality. Its potency is amplified against erogenous organs such as genitals. Has a teensy-tiny chance of causing bloodlust instead.

Cactus: A simple, long green plant standing at a foot tall with one arm outstretched at each side no longer than three inches. There are thin barbs laced around the plant which prickle and sting to the touch. And that is about it. No really, that's it. There isn't anything special about it at all.

Cardboard Box: A non-descript cardboard box that's big enough to fit at a humanoid no bigger than seven feet tall. Useful if you want to sneak through Shadow Moses or in ThePinkRoom. May or may not actually serve as an effective camouflage.

Moo Moo Gun: Description in progress!

Pain & Pleasure: A tiny metallic device shaped similar to a watch battery with tiny metal tendrils. On its surface is a stylized heart, one sided painted pink with hearts fluttering and the other side painted black with harsh looking thorns. This is attached to the base of the spine. With it, it flips the polarity of a person's pain and pleasure receptors, so they feel immense pleasure when they're hurt and vice versa. Either setting can be toggled to your whims and desires. Be sure not to damage or remove it in mid-coitus, or you might end up risking full body paralysis, but I'm sure you fine folk are all sweet and gentle, right?

Portal Gun: A gun with a smooth white base on one end and a black barrel on other end with three metallic tendrils surrounding it. By firing the portal gun, you can create two portals, one blue and one orange, that are interlinked with each other. You can safely move through one end and come out the other. May occasionally malfunction and you may end up in another place of existence, but that's only because you've mistreated it in some way.

Railgun of Railing: Description in progress!

Throbb: Description in progress!

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By Carnalism on Jan 20, 2019

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